Monday, June 05, 2006

A gay post: Life was worth it for Leo

I despaired of life recently, then I thought, at least I had had leo for 4 years. Perhaps I will get him back someday.

I still remember one night, perhaps in 1992, when I had managed to get him back to the US after a nightmare or US, Brazilian and UK Customs. It cost me all the money I had, and more. We had no money at all and so I had used flour to make bread and dried beans to make soup and wine from my 30th birthday present and we had eaten.

And then made love and as we we going to sleep I realized at that moment that it was the single happiest moment of my life and that it would not last. But if I died tomorrow existence was worth it for that moment.

But it makes me mad that I was stupid enough to throw it away just to talk about Byzantine studies, Catholic theology, and all that crap on the internet. I threw away all that I ever wanted. At least Leo and I remain important to each other but if I had worked harder, we would still be together.

And that is all I ever want in life: to wake up up as I did for four years and hold Leo.

When I die, I want that moment in my mind. Fuck the rest.

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